Booish

This blog is leaving the building

I'm not leaving the internet.  Just moving blogs as Typepad is a paid blogging service and my year long subscription is up in a few months.

The new site is www.booish.blogspot.com.  All new posts will be on there from now on!

A rant about stuff

So I had a fill this week, lifting the amount in the band to 5 mls.  I didn't get my lovely surgeon this time.  It was a lady doctor who was, quite frankly, a little rough and, as a result, the fill hurt a bit.  But I now have restriction so I'm hoping to see some decent loss.  When I got weighed at the surgery, I was back up at 109.8kgs!  Terrible stuff.

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What I am not happy about is some stuff at home.  Since I don't really have an outlet to nonsensically rant in real life, I'm sorry for the next few paragraphs.  They are not weight related.  I just need to get this stuff of my chest, onto paper and, in doing so, hopefully get it out of my system!

My brother is staying with me until Tuesday, when he goes back to the US with his girlfriend.  I love my brother, and I love how good he is with my boys.  But sheesh, he is a spoilt, entitled brat!

Just a bit of background, my brother is my mother's favourite. Ever since we were young, she would very obviously favour my brother(she claimed, and still does, that she treated us equally, but friends and family all comment about how she dotes on him).  If he even coughed in the morning, she would race him to the doctor, buy all the anti-biotics prescribed and take a week off work to stay home with him.  If I vomited in the morning before school, and then vomited at school, she would leave me there until 3.30pm and then get angry with me for making a fuss.

If he did something naughty, she would apologise to him.  If I did something naughty, she would not speak to me for a week.  She started the silent treatment from the age of 5.  As you can imagine, a small kid of 5 doesn't know or understand why mum won't talk to them.  It's horrible.  I can't ever imagine treating my kids that way.

Why the difference?  My brother was the first boy born in the family for generations.  He was considered by my mother to be the golden child.  The child that would really do something.  So she treated him accordingly.  Thankfully, I had my dad who, although very quiet, loved me unconditionally and helped to ease any hurt I had over my mum.

As we got older, the differences became more obvious.  When I turned 14 years and 9 months (the legal age to work in Australia at the time), she said 'Ok, you're getting a job.  You have to buy your own clothes and personal items from now on'.  Which didn't bother me because I wanted to work.  But when my brother turned 14 years and 9 months, she said he couldn't work because he might get hurt. So he got all the clothes etc, without having to work.

I had to pay for all my expenses once I got to university.  At one stage, I worked three jobs just to have enough money.  If I didn't have enough money, she wouldn't lend me money.  'You'll just have to stay home'.  Since my brother didn't work, he never had any money.  No problem, though.  She would give him $100, $200 to go out.

Over time, I became angry about the differences.  I never wanted the material side of it.  I just wanted equitable treatment and I wanted my mum to admit that she had been unfair.  My dad finally put his foot down one night and calculated how much (roughly) my brother had received over the years, versus me.  It was shocking enough that my mum agreed to give us a half share in a house. 

I'm now reconciled to my mother and her behaviour.  I have my own family and my life is happy.  That is all due, in no small part to my husband, B, who has shown me, over the 10 years we have been together, that I am special and worth something.

Ok, so what does all of this have to do with my brother.  Well, because he's never really worked in his life.  And because he has had everything given to him without him having to do much, he is spoilt beyond what is normal.

He and his girlfriend drink a bottle of wine in the middle of the day.  No problem, they're adults and can do what they like.  But they leave the bottle on the table.  With their wine glasses.  And my laptop strewn amongst the mess.  And walk out the door.  In my mum's house, my mum will happily - gratefully - clean up the golden child's mess.  I, on the other hand, am irritated at the arrogance that a guest would behave so poorly in someone else's house.

They decide to cook some dinner last night.  They make a complete mess of the kitchen but promise to 'do the dishes later'.  They leave their wine glasses scattered in the living room.  By midnight, they are snoring on the couch.  B ends up doing the dishes because, realistically, we have two young sons and we don't want them getting up in the morning to see a kitchen that is filthy and wine glasses everywhere.

We go out for dinner. It comes to the bill time and they both sit there quietly.  Waiting for me and B to pay.  Because my brother has never really worked in his life, he has no concept about how valuable money is.  We have two boys to support and a mortgage.  My parents bought him his apartment and pay for his utilities.  He does work, albeit not regularly.  He sits there quietly, partly because he has no money but also because, in his mind, someone else always pays.  He has no concept of paying for himself.

Don't get me wrong.  IMy brother is funny and smart and a great uncle to my boys.  But my mum has totally crippled him and doomed him to a life of being a moocher.  He has zero life experience skills because my mum has paid to insulate him from reality.  And he's nearly 30!

Wheww, rant over.  If you got this far, you really need to take up a hobby.  ;-p

Unrelated randoms

This post is going to be completely random and all over the place.... hey, I'm in holiday mode.  It's practically the law to be all over the place.

• I'm back up to 109kgs thanks to all the mammoth eating in the last few days.

• As a result, I'll be getting a fill this afternoon at 3pm.

• I am meeting Shaggs next week for pork bunny goodness and, literally, can't wait.  What a great girl!

• I had a discussion with my nutritionist last week that didn't quite go to plan.  Me: I just want to eat meat, all the time.  Her: Well, you need to add vegetables and fruit in.  Here's what I want you to do.  I'm going to challenge you to eat at least two more types of vegetables.  Me: Ok.  And I want to challenge you to eat more meat.  Her: This is not a game.

• I got a new iPhone!  And I loves it.  I loves it so much I'm prepared to resort to the grammar of a 15 year by using the phrase 'I loves it'.

• I am determined to get to 80kgs by the time I fly out to Fiji.  My aim is to be able to sit in the airplane seat without having to touch the sides.

Weekly Weigh In - 17.08.2009

Back up to 108kgs.

I'm ok with the fluctuations.  I am eating badly at the moment due to my family being here.  Once they are gone (everyone leaves next Tuesday), I will go back to liquids for a few days, get a fill and get back on track.

Food P*rn: The Sydney Edition

I'm maintaining.  Not putting any weight on.  Not losing it either.

I'm happy with that.  Whilst my family are in town, there are copious lunches and dinners.  I could fight the food but, really, I spend time with my family once a year (my family live overseas in the US and Europe), so I'm indulging.  Happily.  It pleases my soul to eat with the people I love.

Another two weeks and they will all be gone.  At which point, I will refocus on getting to under 90kgs by the time I go to Fiji in December.  I can do it!  I will be booking a fill late next week to help in getting some restriction

So, we had a fab time in Sydney.  I've added some actual photos of me with Chuffy in the photo gallery (sorry, you have to email me to get access to the gallery - I'm protective of it because it has pictures of me and my family). 

But here is some food p*rn from our trip:

Ice-cream from Cold Rock.  The left is vanilla with mint choc chips (mine).  The right is bubblegum with flake and marshmallow (Chuffy).

Lobster from Saturday night's dinner in Chinatown.  Mmmmmm, lobster.

Yum Cha in Chinatown.  In the picture are scallops, spring rolls, sizzling pork, calamari and tea.

Mmmm, I'm drooling as I type!

Weekly Weigh In: 11.08.2009

Sorry I'm a day late with the weigh in but I was in Sydney until yesterday evening and didn't get home from the airport until 8.30pm.

I did the weekly weigh in this morning and have lost 600grams for the week.  I'm down to 107.2kg.  Which, given the copious amounts of eating that went on this weekend, is a great result.  I was fully expecting an increase so am pleased that I'm down.

I will do a fuller update when I get a chance.  And I will update the photo gallery with photos from the weekend.  Suffice to say, we had a ball, but - and I've got to be honest - I love my Melbourne town.  It's nice to be back.

My life is very boring

So I'm trying to think of things to write about but have come to the conclusion that my life at present is very boring.  And pretty miserable.  So who wants to read about that?

I am struggling with portions at the moment.  I definitely need a fill and will see my surgeon next week.  Question for everyone: why is it that Tim Tams slide down so easily but fruit gets stuck?  Huh?  I am down to around 107kg so am hoping to break through to 106 for my next weigh in.  I'm very tired of seeing 107 point something on the scales.

On the work front, I have done into a downward spiral about not getting the job.  I did ok for the first week but now I have lost all motivation at work.  As a result, at least one of my projects has derailed.  Albeit temporarily and not a huge problem, but still a reflection that I have lost confidence in my ability.

People at work have said I've lost my spark.  And I have.  Which is why I'm looking forward to my two weeks leave.  I need to step away from the things that remind me that I failed and be with my family (where even if I fail, I'm still loved).

So we are off to Sydney on Saturday.  Little Chuffy is so excited.  He wants to see the cock pit.  I don't know if that is possible, but I will ask the flight attendants if he can meet the pilot after we land.  It will make his day.

Hope you're all doing well?  It seems very quiet out there in lap band land!

Weekly Weigh In: 03.08.2009

I almost wasn't going to show my face in here but, hey, this journey is supposed to be about ups and downs.

So here's the down.  Or is that the up?

Last week: 107.4kg

This week: 107.8kg

A 400g increase.  Going in my favour this week has been my monthlies which have been oh so bloaty-ful.

Going against me has been the fact that I have not been able to step away from the fork all week.  It was Chuffy's birthday which meant lots of cake and bad food.

I desparately need a fill so am going to book for next week whilst I am on holidays.

What was that, you ask?  Holidays?

Yep, given the events of the last few weeks at work, I've decided to take two weeks annual leave.  My parents' boss is paying for us to come to Sydney for the coming weekend so myself and Chuffy will be going up to shop at Paddington and watch the City to Surf.

Then, the following weekend, I am going away with B (and my brother and his new shiny American girlfriend) to Rye for a few days without children.

It's time to clear my head and reset the goals so that a) I get where I want to career-wise and b) get refocussed on losing this weight.  I have done really well so far - I just need to keep on going.

Failing.

Badly.

It's Chuffy's birthday and there's food everywhere.

Failing.

Badly.

Have put on 600 grams since Monday.

Weekly Weigh In - 27.07.2009

Ok, so it's been a really good week.  Which is a relief after the train wreck that was last week.

Last week: 108.8kgs

This week: 107.4kgs

Loss: 1.4kgs

Am really thrilled with the loss.  It certainly seems like this band things is never a smooth 1kg per week type of thing.  One week, it's great.  The next, not so great.

Having said that, the next goal is to get to 106 point something by next Monday.  Hold me to it, ladies.